digital nomad

February 13 2021

Dating as a Digital Nomad

To understand the dating world as a digital nomad, I think it is important to understand the dating world as a whole. Or, at least from my perspective.

The world is full of endless options where possibilities are boundless. Through technology and social media it’s easy to communicate with anyone, move seamlessly around the world (pandemic notwithstanding) and stay connected to everything and everyone. But with that, comes the idea that there could always be something better out there. Too many options means nobody is ever satisfied. It is a continuous search for more. Dating has become a game of quick judgements with the expectation of perfection.

Capitalizing on any excuse for an out because something better must surely be somewhere down the line is the new norm. It often takes place without a conversation or even so much as a word (gotta love the ghost!). And it’s justified. Because you are special. And your time is precious. You do it to others, others do it to you. You don’t owe anybody anything. But they, in turn, don’t owe you anything either.

Dating used to be the thing people did to find a long term partner. But now they’re dating because they are bored.

Some use it to “get back out there!” And it took you being the guinea pig for them to realize that they’re “not ready yet”. Great…. Thanks for that….. Then there are those who were never looking for a relationship to begin with- except they wait to tell you that until you’re a few months in and already attached. Ok but then why are you dating?

The walls go up and the exhaustion and pessimism set in.

When you’re on the road, all of that falls away.

You experience so much together so fast that it moves in a whirlwind. You’re constantly living outside your comfort zone and put in extreme situations. From grand adventures of adrenaline fueled bridge jumps and waterfall climbs to exquisite cuisine, unique cultural experiences and nightly sunsets, it is impossible not to form an instant connection.

Conversely, it is also impossible not to bond with someone over the stress of travel, being scammed, getting food poisoning or getting lost in the jungle as the sun goes down with no battery on your phone and wearing the wrong shoes. The guise of perfection is thrown out the window and you get to witness the extreme highs of once in a lifetime experiences and the extreme lows of stress and bodily functions right off the bat.

Spending every minute together for long periods of time means a two week relationship is more like a 6 month relationship back home. Things move quickly and time changes meaning.

In many ways, your options are endless. You are meeting people all over the world from all over the world and at a very rapid pace. With fellow travelers, you automatically have something in common. Many are very like-minded with similar outlooks on life and overall values.

There is also the option to date a local. But even then there is something unique about it. Sharing your cultures with each other and connecting through your differences is another surefire way to quickly grow close to someone. It’s also the absolute best way to see a city, get to know a culture and practice a language.

But there are pretty obvious setbacks.

Locals are most likely going to stay in the city and/or country they’re already living in which, at the very best, means some form of a long distance relationship. When you both know you’re leaving it can be hard to allow yourself to open up and give it your all the way you would when neither of you knew the future. How do you ever build something based on that?

As for fellow travelers, you might be in the same spot now, but what about moving forward? Is there a time limit on either of your travels? You build a relationship under circumstances that aren’t necessarily realistic to maintain and once the travel bubble pops, where does that leave you? You’re both these free souls wanting to travel, but do you want to travel to the same places? Where are you from and where are you going? What is it that you’re willing to give up?

At home people might want more of a similar lifestyle as you but it’s hard finding the one to fit into that.

On the road I think it’s easier to find people who you could build a future with but the problem becomes you want different futures.

At the end of the day, dating is hard no matter which way you slice it.

Relationships take emotional work, they take up a lot of your time, they take patience and they take compromise.

Dating doesn’t necessarily take all those things, but if they’re not there then you’re probably not going to build a successful relationship. It’s hard to find someone who is on the same page as you, wants the same things as you and has the same lifestyle as you. No matter who you are, where you are in the world or what you want to do with your life.

For a digital nomad, sometimes the difference is merely location. In a way that’s one of the easier issues to deal with.

If I take a look back, not one of my past relationships has ended because of my lifestyle. Not one. It has been so easy to think that and to make excuses instead of really figuring out the work that I needed to do.

You might be asking yourself, well what if I just want to have fun? What if I’m not looking for anything serious? The great! Then both regular dating and travel dating are perfect for you. But you probably already knew that.

No more excuses

It has always been an easy answer and a very acceptable answer. But the reason I’m not in a relationship isn’t because I move around all the time, it’s because I don’t prioritize it. There comes a time in a relationship when it’s time to grow or time to go. I have usually been either too uncomfortable, too scared or too unwilling to put in the necessary hard work and tough conversations it takes to move forward.

There are certainly many other factors at play as well, but it’s time for me to stop saying what I think people want to hear. It’s time to start telling the truth.

So, the next time someone asks me “What is it like dating as a digital nomad?” I have the confidence to answer what it is actually like (for me).

It’s really fun. There is less pressure and fewer “rules”. Time means something totally different. It is hard to find a relationship that has a future, but no harder than it is for everyone else.

Dating is so many things all at once. It is sexy and awkward; exciting and awful; dramatic and anticlimactic; energetic and draining all at the same time. It makes you feel, it closes you off. Sometimes it is all of those things at once, sometimes it rides the line of mediocrity and is none of those things at all. No matter which way you slice it, it is what it is. There is no getting around it.

October 11 2020

Working from home survival guide

Roam Wild Blog, Resources digital nomad, Resources, WFH 0

The Survival Guide to Working From Home

Since much of the world is WFH I thought I would share some of the knowledge I’ve picked up over the last few years. It might surprise people to learn that working from home takes a little more stamina than it appears on the surface. It becomes especially taxing when you’re also advised from doing the other things in life you enjoy like meeting up with friends or going out to eat. But if you do it right, it can be the change in your life you didn’t know you needed.

Separation

Maintaining as much separation from work life and home life is really important. If you have the luxury of a whole separate office within your house, great! Make that office space yours, shut the door when you’re working and when you’re in there stay focused. Not all of us are lucky enough to have a separate office space, but even having a designated place to work will make a huge difference.

I work at the table and watch Netflix and have video chats from my couch or my bed. Having a designated spot puts you in the mindset of being at work when you’re in that space. It also makes it easier to leave behind when you’re done because relaxing during your off hours is just as important as being focused during on hours.

Comfort

Sitting in front of a computer screen all day is tough no matter where you are, but sitting on a kitchen chair all day versus sitting in an office chair with padding, arm rests and a swivel will really start to take a toll on your body. Some people use exercise balls or standing desks, but if you don’t have any of that at your disposal try something as simple as sitting on a cushion or a pillow. Just don’t fart into it too much.

Having a posture corrector has changed my life. I’ve been very surprised about how often I am asked about mine. Apparently it isn’t just me with these problems! I have one that only goes around my shoulders. It doesn’t correct my spine, but ultimately it’s pretty awkward to have a hunched spine with my shoulders back so I end up correcting myself anyway. I also find that when I’m not using it I am more aware of my posture so it helps correct me even after taking it off. It has helped tremendously with the stiffness in my upper back and good posture is great for overall health. There are many variations so get what work best for you.

Similarly, when you’re using a laptop it’s generally not at eye level. Having a stand to raise it up or stacking a few books underneath will keep your head level and ends up making a big difference in posture.

Equipment

Buy what you need, within reason, to make your office as easy to work in as it was in the office. You might be able to expense it, you might not. Since for me, working out of the office is a personal choice I made, I’ve invested my own money into my set up but it really doesn’t need to be anything fancy.

My office needs to be portable so, in addition to price, I also have to consider size and weight. Even if you’re used to working from a laptop, a wireless keyboard and mouse are better. I promise.

If anything has changed my life more than my shoulder brace, it is my second screen. It is extremely thin and lightweight and even came with its own case. These easy additions upped my productivity exponentially.

For digital nomads, have multiple versions of the varying different outlet converters. And to everyone who is not working alone, for the love of god, get headphones.

Capitalize

Yeah, there are a lot of unanticipated hardships about working from home, but don’t let those drown out all of the benefits! There are a ton of great things you can capitalize on when you’re sharing your work and living space.

Have a little down time or a few minutes in between meetings? Fold your laundry or wash the dishes. Get some of those small tasks done and save yourself that precious time for later. Save money and eat healthier by cooking your lunch at home.

Clients driving you insane? Open up a bottle up at 4:45, let that sucker breathe for a little and as soon as the clock strikes 5 bottoms up because, no driving!

Sleep in because you’ve just gained so much time back in your life! Snuggle with your dog. Poop in the comfort of your own home.

Diversify

If it is safe, switch it up. This is slightly more applicable to digital nomads than to those who are home because of Covid, but I find that changing my workspace every now and then is helpful. Back when anything was open I would go to a café once a week for a few hours or find a coworking space. Coworking spaces can off a community of other like minded people, strong wifi in place that don’t always guarantee it and some great deals. I’ve been to coworking places that partner or share spaces with cafes or hostels offering deals on food and drinks, accomodation and even massages.

In direct contrast to what I said about separation, if it’s a nice day then sit outside for a little while and soak in the weather. Nobody likes working inside staring into the beautiful day they can’t enjoy.

Mindset

Sometimes it’s in the little things. I move around a lot, even during lockdown I have lived in five different apartments so I can’t really decorate or carry around a lot of extra things with me. I have, however, discovered that something as simple as having a few nicely scented candles burning nearby adds something more personal to my space.

It’s still important to have that routine, even if your routine is rolling out of bed and over to your desk. Develop some good habits at home and figure out what you can take back to the office. Working remotely has its pros and cons, just like going to the office does. Just like everything else in life does. It can open up so many opportunities and has personally changed the way I live.

It is a privilege in every sense of the word but I hope those of us fortunate enough to be able to do so can use it to change the working culture in the United States and around the world. What do you think?